meet tracy
How do you make your health a priority?
I don’t. But I’m very in tune with my body and how I’m feeling. If something’s off, I want to rectify it very quickly. I can tell if I’m really stressed about something and what I need to do, whether it’s talk about it, make a list, or ask for help. I’ve gotten to know myself so much over the last few years that I know exactly what I usually need to make myself feel better mentally. I’m also not afraid to talk to my doctor and say this isn’t working or I need more. I don’t want to sacrifice feeling emotionally good, so I will make an effort to fix it.
What do you do to lessen your anxiety?
Once I started drinking coffee in the morning and having busy days, smoking weed was something I did to calm down. Now I don’t smoke to get high, barely ever. I smoke because I get nauseous from my anxiety and it levels it out. I can take one hit and suddenly, that feeling that was in my throat goes away. I don’t feel high.
“I don’t feel fucked up.”
I’m just calmer and able to be less anxious and complete tasks that would have otherwise been things I’ve avoided. In the next photo is my pill case that I keep in my room. I break my Lexapro in half and take my birth control and I set it up every Sunday for all the days of the week. I always remember to take my Lexapro because if I don’t I’m violently ill. My fingers get numb. It’s a physical reaction when I don’t take it. I’m withdrawing. Even not having my medication on me can send me into a panic.
What are some of the rituals you’ve created with your newborn?
With Yves, I want to give her my undivided attention. I’ve heard over and over again, they know when you’re not fully paying attention to them.
Every afternoon, up until she was probably six months old, we would lie on the couch and watch Dateline or something and she would take her afternoon nap. Holding a person that you’re so in love with so close and being able to relax is amazing. I had to relax for her to relax. So she would tense up if I was not feeling right. She would nap on me for so long, so it was kind of a bad habit that we got into where at 3 or 4 pm every day, she would sleep for around two hours on me. If I didn’t have that connection with her for two or three days, I would feel like I needed to reconnect. It was our bonding time and it forced me to calm down. Now it’s for the best, probably for both of us, that she takes naps in her crib. But it was a wonderful 6 months of our daily lay down.
next story — sophie